Midlife Aging | Why Time Feels Like It's Speeding Up As We Age - WTF Just Happened?

SPEAKER_00: This is What the F Just Happened.

SPEAKER_04: The podcast that proves life is messy, midlife is so wild, and laughter is definitely non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_00: So grab a cocktail or a mocktail or your favorite emotionally supportive snack, and let's get into it.

SPEAKER_01: This is Hillary, and welcome back to WTF Just Happen, a podcast where we talk about moments that knock the wind out of you, lift your life upside down, and somehow course you'd rebuild into something better. Even when you probably didn't ask for it. That is right.

SPEAKER_02: So as you guys know, we are here for the messy middle, midlife, grief, reinvention, friendship growth, all the things that nobody ever warned us about.

SPEAKER_01: So you ever looked up and thought, how did time move so fast? And why am I so frickin' tired? You're probably in the right place. You are in the right place.

SPEAKER_02: So let's get into today's episode.

SPEAKER_01: So today's episode, title Slowing Down on Purpose, so we can find ourselves again. Because I don't know about you, but did anyone else blink and accidentally lose the entire year of 2025? I know.

SPEAKER_02: I feel like we were just talking about this. And I feel like we were just saying, like we just, I feel like we were just at our friends saying happy new year. Uh like a year ago. A year ago. We were. Chris had just passed. We did New Year's. My sister was in town. We did um, or I said earlier um that we I felt like we were just at the um 4th of July. Fourth of July parade here in our hometown, in our in our town, um, which is so cute and lovely. But I feel like we just had tank tops and quartz on, and now I'm uh have nothing ready for the holidays just because that's the state I'm in.

SPEAKER_02: But I'm double checking, like, is it and I do kind of get confused. I'm like, is it gonna be 2025 or 2026 or 2027? Those three years because it's very blurry.

SPEAKER_01: We are not at 2027. I know the fact that 2025 just blew by single-minded. No, I know, I know it's just it, I don't know, it just goes so quickly.

SPEAKER_02: Well, what do they say? They say the uh the years. The days are slow and the years flip fast. Yep, days are slow, years are fast.

SPEAKER_01: Which I agree. I mean, although I feel like sometimes the days are flip-ball. The days are yeah, yeah. How is Christmas next week? I have no I have no idea. I have no gifts. Well, we're having experiences for my family. Yes. We'll explain my girls are unvery unhappy about it. But going back to slowing down, like, I don't why are we so conditioned to feel like if we're slowing down that we're somehow falling behind?

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, I I think too, we're conditioned um to like busyness is becomes like your personality trait when you are in your 20s, but with more like girlfriends and getting your life in order, 30s, when we're gonna talk about decades, but yeah, you just become this busy person where all that matters is being busy, buying things, getting things on the calendar. Yeah, it's just one of those, it's just how we were bred.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know. I think, and I think the people, I mean, I don't know for everyone else, but for me, I kind of think that like you're supposed to be busy, so you're supposed to have all these things stacked up, and somehow that makes a life. And getting older, I actually have to say, is I don't I want to cherish the time that we have daily, weekly, monthly. And I don't want to look back a year like this last year. I just felt they're all so fast, but this one just felt like it was on super speed.

SPEAKER_02: And maybe it's because, you know, like Chris passed and we were doing like a lot of friendship things, and we were doing uh some years don't feel as fast as this year felt for sure. You know, and this year felt very fast to me, but also slow in, you know, in certain areas that I was in deep, like grief and mourning. But again, how is it that my mind tells me that we were just in the summertime driving our Broncos with our tops down, not our real tops, the top of our cars.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think even like I think the only time I've really in the last probably 10 years I felt like things were slower was during COVID, where the world got slower for a second. Now, granted, we lived in a state that was only slow for maybe a week and then it got back to normal. But that was the only time I sort of felt like as a company and light business, things just got slower. Where everything else is like on supersonic speed. So kind of like the bullet train that's not being built in California.

SPEAKER_01: Like it just if it was to get built, which is never gonna happen, that's a whole other conversation.

SPEAKER_02: That's a whole other conversation. Other times they don't live there anymore, so we don't even need to like worry about it. But it would be nice.

SPEAKER_01: The question is like, how how do we, and I guess this is what we want to talk about today on this episode, is it all goes by so quickly, it all goes by in a blank. So how can we going into 2026, which is we're about what we're about, what, 10 days away or so? How can we be intentional about this next year, about slowing down on purpose and not like getting to next December and having the same conversation and saying, okay, I actually feel I got a lot of things accomplished that maybe I want to get accomplished, and the days just didn't sail past.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah. For me, I feel like I have some goals in mind for 2026. Um, I do feel like I had a pretty slow 2025. I did a, you mean I did a lot of things, but I also feel like my brain, you know, just wasn't able to keep up with uh plans or things like that. But in 2026, here's where I kind of run into the problem. I already have like things on my calendar I feel like I'm I need to do, not on my calendar, but in my mind. I'm like, sure, I want to lose a little bit of weight. I would love to get my endurance back up.

SPEAKER_02: I mean, I didn't do anything during the year to like make sure I took care of my um health other than doctor's appointments and stay healthy and things like that. But I'm I have these like big goals in my head, and then if they if they get too big, I end up not doing them, right? Right. So I mean So how we gotta slow it down enough. I mean, actually, I think like small bites of things. Small bites, like instead of telling myself I need to, you know, join you at the gym three, four, five days a week.

SPEAKER_02: Just because it'd be so much more fun for me. Well, yes, it would I mean we would have so much fun. I know.

SPEAKER_01: I just need to we get nothing accomplished, but we'd have a really good time. Exactly. And then I'm like, where are we going for lunch after? 100%. Yeah, and then we can cherish being at coffee and lunch.

SPEAKER_02: I mean, that that is that that's the goal. That the goal of life to me, slowing down is time, right? Like having more time with your family, having more time um in your day to do things that you um you want to do just to enjoy your life here on earth and not just slave away behind a computer.

SPEAKER_01: Right, because at the end of the day, I kind of look around and I mean I work from home remotely, which is amazing a blessing.

SPEAKER_02: And I do too, and I am so thankful. I had lunch with my boss yesterday and just was so grateful for my job.

SPEAKER_01: It's so thankful. I think it goes both ways, is I know my sister commutes and she only has about a maybe 20, 25 minute drive, technically, because she calls me every day on her way, which is so amazing. But she has to go to the office and then she's gonna come work a whole day. Wait, which means she has to get up and actually like get dressed, she has to get up, shower, makeup, hair, right? The whole thing you and I don't have to do that. No, but yeah, I feel like even without that, the days I will look down at the computer and think it's seven o'clock.

SPEAKER_01: I know. It's 7 30. I need to wrap this up. There's nothing I can't do tomorrow, but there are those days where it's like I don't want to wake up and have to do this tomorrow. So, but I guess that's it. It's how do we intentionally, and I'm not talking about goals, right? Because I'm not the whole big writing for New Year's Eve. Yeah, what are they called? Um, resolutions. Your resolutions because I never do them. I've been saying I'm gonna learn Spanish for the last three years, and I can order a beer and I can ask for the bathroom.

SPEAKER_01: Well, there you go. That's all you need. But don't you bathroom and beer. But don't you say because I won't know how to, I won't understand what you're saying. Yeah. But that's I guess so not resolutions, but how do we intentionally, with those goals in mind for 2026, slow ourselves down?

SPEAKER_02: Yeah. So we're going to talk about a little bit of kind of like what does that look like to take actual steps to really have some clear goals in mind. And I'm not talking big goals for, like I said, losing 20 pounds or um, you know, running an iron iron man or things like that. We're talking um slowing down intentionally so that we can have a really amazing, beautiful year, because the bottom line is we could all be gone tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01: And we don't get and the one thing is right, time is the currency. You don't get there are only so many hours in the day. There are so many hours in a week, and you don't get more of them. You are rich if you have time.

SPEAKER_02: I mean, I would have loved to have won won the did anyone want to the millet. 1.5 billion. Oh gosh, okay. We are still doing it. Someone needs someone needs to win. And if any of you out there win, we are looking for sponsors.

unknown: Right? Yes.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, we are. I think podcasters have sponsors, and you guys, we don't, but Hillary will we'll touch on this. We don't have any sponsors. We do this purely because we every time we have a conversation, what do I say? I'm like, we should be recording this because we're talking and laughing. And I'm like, why are we not pressing record right now? Some things we actually can't talk about, which is kind of I wonder if we could do like a secret paid podcast where we really talk about like some some really like private thing.

SPEAKER_02: Really, like there's some things we could talk about um that we can't put in public.

SPEAKER_01: I I don't know if that actually would be allowed. I think it's I think the F it's what the federal, like the FCC would probably shut up. Wait, what's the FCC? Isn't the federal communications or something? Oh, oh, oh, oh. What's the FTC? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: Federal trade. We don't know anything about that. This is where we don't know anything about it. Okay, okay. So what we what we would like to do right now is just kind of like go through some of our notes about, you know, how are we going to be intentional? How can you be intentional in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, your 60 plus um in the coming year? And what does it look like to um kind of look back on those uh decades of our lives? And what would we have done differently to kind of be in a different spot or teach our kids some different habits?

SPEAKER_02: Um, so um you, I mean, you talked about daily responses, and then you also talked about like creating a no phone limit. So you said that that was something you wanted to do to slow down, which was like not to really take uh accountability for how much you're on your phone. Yeah, I would say that which I think most people do want to do that.

SPEAKER_01: I just I mean honestly look forward to at the end of the night, and I'll say this to Sean. I'd just go crawl in bed at nine, nine thirty, because I'm not quite going to sleep until 10:30, 11.

SPEAKER_02: Until you read all 15 of the one memes I sent you. Exactly. So then if you don't read them, then you'll text me and I'm like, did you why aren't you looking at the memes I sent you? Or I'm looking for ones to send you.

SPEAKER_01: Yes. Or right that's exactly what happens. I go and I crawl into bed. I love getting in bed. So cozo warm, so snuggly. Our dogs are on the bed, the cat doesn't join us. Usually don't tell Marla that. So after and I get on my phone and I just do the doom scroll of looking at Instagram, and I'm just, you know. Okay, but what if that is part of slowing down? But is it I mean, but I'm not I'm not sitting after our crazy work days, right? Yeah. Like when do I stop doing that and actually start using my brain?

SPEAKER_02: So, what would you be doing if you weren't if you went to bed at 9 30, you crawl in snugly, cozy, dogs, all the things. What are you doing without your phone staring at the ceiling? Or are you actually gonna close your eyeballs and try to go to sleep?

SPEAKER_01: Or I could maybe be intentional about picking up a book. Well, no, I'm always intentional. Trust me. That is not uh we do know.

SPEAKER_02: We do know. Once you start to get to know Hillary a little bit more, we know that my husband so so much. Uh she has lots of uh encouragement and tips for all of you who um need help in the bedroom apartment.

SPEAKER_01: That's on that side of podcast. Yeah, that's on the paid side private podcast podcast. But no, I think um, what about picking up a book? What about learning? What about okay?

SPEAKER_02: But I I guess I could argue too. I mean, I only because like the business that we run here on a podcast, it does have to do with our phones, but also the business that I run on the side with like mentorship and coaching is a tech-filled uh situation, I guess you could call it. But you can read. We can we can read books, but we can also learn I've learned so much on podcasts and um mean, not memes, but what I mean just like uh reels about you know, grief reels, David Kessler. Like, so I am learning at some point, but yes, when I'm sending you a million cat videos.

SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, I need different reels at the time. Okay, okay. What I'm looking at You need to change your algorithm. Well, what I'm looking at is all the dog rescues. Yes, yes, I'm crying. Seeing all the dogs I then show Sean that we have to rescue because I I would adopt every animal in the entire universe if I could. Yes. And I'm also then seeing all of the amazing Instagram cleaning reels, of which I so appreciate because I'm I would call my house is clean adjacent because I it's clean enough.

SPEAKER_02: Well, I like those reels too, like where they're packing for a trip and they have all those cute little containers. Like everything is so beautiful.

SPEAKER_01: But yes, you're talking about the shower where like you, you know, like the water just llicks down the door because it's so clear and clean that it doesn't Oh, there's no like watermarks. No, just like where you you apply whatever that product is, and then it just the water just is a waterfall and glistens down your door and it stays magically gorgeous.

SPEAKER_02: So you're not just squeegeeing it every time you get out. This there's like a secret aggregate.

SPEAKER_01: So and then I'm looking at um obviously home decor, excuse me. I home decor, love home decor, and then thinking I've got to completely remodel my entire house, but I need Monica, our friend, for that. But I'm not learning anything. I'm just doomed, I'm just yeah, yeah. Okay, so yes, I see your really great and it can be really uh it's a waste of at least an hour to an hour employment of my time. Yeah. Before my sequel kicks in and go, I go to sleep. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: So you want to be intentional in 2026 about maybe reading a book each night, a few pages, which that sounds great. I mean, yeah, instead of scrolling.

SPEAKER_01: I would say my intentional about even if it's just talking to my darling husband who's right next to me. Having we work from home together, thankfully, but we don't talk maybe a little bit throughout the day. But we talked after work. But just what do we want to do, right? What when are we building that rescue? Right? What yeah, right? Is it our senior dog rescue? What is it? I mean, there's just we have all of these things that we want to do in plans, but we're not being intentional about going to do them.

SPEAKER_01: So I would say phone down is one thing I'm going to absolutely do more of in 2026. So putting the phone down, not wasting my time on that. And the thing I am gonna do, and just shout out to my three daughters who probably gonna hear this and say, No, thank you, we're good, is I want to spend more time with them, more intentional time with them. They live thankfully in the area. Yeah, they are anywhere from eight minutes to twenty minutes away. I see them, we have Sunday family dinner, whoever wants to come to it every week.

SPEAKER_01: I'm usually here, which we love. But I want to be more intentional about just going into the going and shopping and walking around or going on the green belt and taking a walk or whatever it is. It doesn't have to it doesn't have to cost us money, it doesn't have to be anything other than me going over their house, which is April and Stone Road. But really, I mean I think I know my girls really well and the obviously talk to them a lot. Shout out to my middle though, that you don't call me very often.

SPEAKER_01: And whenever we always laugh because when she calls, I think all of us say the same thing. What's happening? My youngest, what's wrong? What's wrong? What has happened? Why are you calling me? Because I think oh god, something's happened. But we text, right? The whole group family text. But the other two, I talked to my oldest and my youngest, no less than probably three times a day. Yeah, same with me with my girls. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm like, yeah, Morgan, you can call me more. Yeah, more. Well, that's it.

SPEAKER_01: It's just more intentional about spending really uh maybe it's not even falling, it's just time. I would say they probably don't even want me to be around that much.

SPEAKER_02: But okay, so actual steps so far. We're talking about trying to find a way to, you know, not doom scroll, um, or maybe going to bed at the actual, you know, maybe going to bed a little later so that you just go straight to bed or reading a book. So maybe try we're gonna try, we're talking about, you know, trying to put our phones down a little bit more in the night. But I we do really love that. Do you and do you and Sean lay next to each other and like send each other things? Chris and I used to all all night long.

SPEAKER_02: And we would just like laugh and then we practice that.

SPEAKER_01: And I and then he'll say to me, Why aren't you watching my thing? I would say the same thing to Chris. Drew, like, hi, you need to open that or ask Derek.

SPEAKER_02: Okay, how about does this ever happen when you guys are both laying in bed? And I would send, I would find one for Chris, and I would be like crying to myself, laughing so hard. And I'd send it to him, and he it would pop, you know, it would drop down on the on the screens, and then he'd swipe it up. Yes. I was and I was like, What? I just saw you swipe the most funny, hilarious meme away up into the earth. Like you didn't want to look at it right now. And I was like, Did you just swipe that up?

SPEAKER_02: And he goes, Well, yeah, but I'm already watching this. I go, No, you have to, we have to experience this together.

SPEAKER_01: 100%. It's so funny. Sean is usually watching some variation of a whiskey thing. Okay, yeah. Sewn to the whiskey. And yeah, I'm like, that is hysterical. You have to watch it right now. Right now.

SPEAKER_02: You don't get to swipe my meme up when it alerts you because I'm laying literally right next to you. You're supposed to watch it right then when you're laying next to your husband.

SPEAKER_01: Exactly. Now we we watch and then we'll we'll just crack up to it with all time. But then it's actually funny, is because he goes to bed pretty quickly. So we'll get into bed, and then he's usually asleep within like I'd say I he's good for 20 hours. And then he's completely asleep. And then I have to send all of those to myself because we have this one of our phenomenal rescues, one of our dogs, she's 11. We've had her since she was four months old, biggest thing ever. She is very sensitive to the sound.

SPEAKER_01: So when his phone pings, he jumps off the bed because it scarcely for whatever reason. So I have to So he doesn't sleep with his phone off. Like, I mean, not often the meditation music on music. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it will ping in that like the sound of the musical spots. Yes, yes. And then the ping happens and then she jumps off the bed. Yes. And it's like the ring camera. The dogs go nutty. Right. And then it's like the cycle of then she has to come back in, and because she's 11 and our bed's a little high, I have to I get out probably the bed at least three or four times a night to then help her back off the bed, which is fine.

SPEAKER_01: I mean, she's adorable, but she can't. So we're really not empty nesters. We're definitely not weird. We're empty nesters with our animals. With our yeah, with our kids, but that's why I can't send it to myself. So then the morning I have to then remember, oh, I have to go back and send Sean like these eight things. Oh my gosh, that's hysterical. Just send me one. This isn't that funny.

SPEAKER_02: No, they are funny. They are how about yeah, when when he sends you one or or Chris would send me some, and then you feel like they're not as funny, but you do feel kind of obligated to give the heart, get the give the heart and funny ones.

SPEAKER_01: They're always, of course, mostly animal related. Yeah. And they're adorable and they're funny. And so funny. I mean, you can send me anything with an animal, a dog talking. Those ones with the dogs talking, and then they laugh. They get fine. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I saw I did see one the other day that was super funny. My friend uh Kristen and her husband uh censor he worked for a big national uh like pet, like a pet co or pet smart, a big huge company. I I just didn't want to say where he worked. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but I send him like funny, you know, funny dog means, and he totally dressed up laughing. Okay, but anyway, all that to say, less phone time is what we're gonna go for. Whatever that looks like for all of you, like let's give it a try because it is addicting.

SPEAKER_02: Um, it is addicting.

SPEAKER_01: And I think you know, like just the day, it just prolongs by day, probably. Oh my gosh. I would be right. There is, I mean, there's let's say an hour and a half every night. Yeah. Like they'd be doing something different.

SPEAKER_02: And I do think there are things like as I'm learning, just to feel like my heart and my brain. There are really amazing, like, like you said, meditations, books, um other podcasts, other podcasts, listening to other Yeah. I mean, other, you know, self-development, or even if you don't want to do any self-development work, it's how about um meditation or you know, the megahertz, the the beats that you can listen to that bring your cortisol down, things like that. I mean, I do think there are other things, but there is something really cozy about getting into your bed and scrolling.

SPEAKER_02: And you know, we all of our girlfriend group talks about that. Like who's getting into bed, who's scrolling? So that's what we're thinking. Uh less phone time in 2026.

SPEAKER_01: Um at least, yeah, create like a no phone moment. And maybe for me it's a lot longer than someone else. It could be for five minutes.

SPEAKER_02: I know that's what I think that we do is we start, you know, don't put the expectations on that we're like only gonna we're gonna take the app off of our phone.

SPEAKER_01: And no, like that is not happening for me. Maybe when I wake up, the first thing I, you know, do is reach for my phone. And why?

SPEAKER_02: Okay, so we you talked about that earlier. So the first thing your husband does when he wakes up, he doesn't reach for his phone, he journals.

SPEAKER_01: He does. So then he makes me coffee, which no, after he gets out of bed, which is amazing. Yes, he gets up, he hits the coffee, which he's already put together in the night, and then yes, my husband is the most incredible human. But I obviously am so unlucky. He gets up and he's been doing this for ten years. Where he gets up and he has his journal or many of them by this point. And he goes and it might be five minutes, it's ten minutes, he constantly starts the day with gratitude and thankful and just whatever he's writing, obviously I don't see them.

SPEAKER_01: But he sits there and he just is writing for you know five minutes just you know every single morning and that's how he starts his day.

SPEAKER_02: And I mean I think that's amazing. I feel like one of the biggest things that I've learned over the last year is gratitude. And I think in um conjunction with journaling, or if you're not, I'm not a huge journaler. Um I would like to be. I mean, I like to write, but I don't know that I like to journal per se, like I I would I think I use Instagram as my journal. But one of the things that I do That's writing. That's writing. Yeah, it's just like not in a paper. I mean, I have lots of paper journals.

SPEAKER_01: Journaling is however I mean journaling is whatever that is. It could be even just laying there and talking to yourself.

SPEAKER_02: I don't but if he's writing about like gratitude, I think what we you can which is what I do every morning now is before I reach for my phone, and granted my phone is my alarm clock. Um, I love one of those, one of the the hatch ones. So they're so expensive. Oh my gosh, he likes them. Yeah, I heard it's so amazing. But one of the things I do every morning is I truly lay there, wake up, and I'm thankful for I say it like out loud or in my mind, I'm thankful that I have um that I even woke up, first of all, that I get to, you know, talk to my kids.

SPEAKER_02: Air on your lungs, air in my lungs, thankful for my job, thankful for my cozy, warm home, thankful that I have a good car to drive that now that the snow's coming. You know, I just I really practice gratitude every morning, and I think that it has really changed my life in the last year. So I I mean that's the fact that Sean does that.

SPEAKER_01: Like I've trained you have to train yourself. You do, you have to stop. And I think the intentionality of setting it starts your day off differently. It's easy to reach for your phone. It's so easy. I mean, I for my alone. So I turn it, right? I immediately swipe it and put it off. And then this morning, for example, we went to Pilates and it wasn't until 8 30. And you know, I like it. Her and her husband go to Pilates together.

SPEAKER_02: Like, are you kidding?

SPEAKER_01: You guys are so cute. I have to say that Pilates.

SPEAKER_02: I can't imagine Chris in Pilates.

SPEAKER_01: Sean is so long and so large. He is, he has to move it back. But that is actually what's interesting in Pilates is it's Oh no, mindfulness for sure. Well, you you have to sit there and you have to listen to what they're saying concentration and then actually do what they're saying, where there's many times where my brain is just like, what's what do I have to do with the grocery store? Yeah, or just what I've got this deal going on today, I've got to talk to this client, I've got this appointment, I've got this phone call.

SPEAKER_01: And then you think, wait, where am I supposed to be supposed to be? But it's really good for the 50 minutes, just to if you can just sit there and listen to them and actually absorb what they're saying, your mind, you're not thinking about anything. Yeah. It's so incredible. I mean, that's actually been a huge bonus. We've only been doing it for a year, but it's one of the side benefits of that's not normally how my brain works. It's just always sort of like you know, pinging and spinning. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that's actually been That's great.

SPEAKER_02: I think again, it takes some time to train your brain to really understand to be quiet, to train it to positivity because it takes the same amount of effort to listen and regurgitate negative information and negative thoughts in our minds. It takes the same amount of energy to think positive. What if something good happened instead of what if something bad happened? You know, slow your mind down, listen, think, be grateful, journal. Um, I mean, it does take practice, but there is science behind it.

SPEAKER_01: Absolutely. Yeah. And I the positivity part of it's not that sort of toxic, like you're saying, like one of the things that's yeah, I just it's a toxic buzzword. It is. It's more of manifesting. I'm a huge, huge. I absolutely truly believe that what you put out there and what you think will come into play. Absolutely. May not be today, may not be tomorrow, but that intentionality of this is where I want my life to go. These are the things I want to either accomplish or have happen, welcoming in whatever it is that you're looking for, and then constantly having that on repeat just sends that out into the reverse.

SPEAKER_01: I I agree. And I think it all comes down to uh gratitude. Yes. And I will say, I mean, this isn't funny, but this is sort of funny to me. This is fun. You'll get to know me in your humor. In my humor. But there's that really funny meme where the guy rolls up to like the director window and it says, you know, kindness is free. And then he's lying, and he says, I think I've sent it to you. You probably, but what's the rest of it? You know, it's basically, you know, kindness is free. And then the opposite of that is right being like, well, is being mean free?

SPEAKER_01: Well, that's free too. Well, that's free too. It's free. And then you know what I'm talking about? No, you're gonna have to show me. You're gonna have to and I'm not saying you're gonna be mean, but the whole point is it was it was just actually that's I mean it takes this.

SPEAKER_02: No, it's no, I think it's funny because it takes the same amount of energy to be energy to be mean as it is to be thankful, kind, and full of uh uh have a gracious and we'll free. So just be kind. So yeah, yeah. But I mean there are times where you gotta stick up for yourself and be mean.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, not mean, it's just like, yeah. Yeah, and we're gonna I'm not saying we're normat. I'm gonna say that the meme is hysterical. I will 100% send it to you because it makes me laugh every single time. We're gonna link a link in this episode. And it's not right, and don't be mean, don't be mean to people. But if you need a laugh, yeah, just mean time. That's why we're here. We need laughs, right? If you want to just laugh and chuckle and let him like be mean, then it's super fine.

SPEAKER_02: Anyway, okay, so yeah. So that is a great uh segment on uh just trying to be intentional about putting uh your phone down and and picking up uh more gratitude, whatever that looks like for you.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so let's talk about maybe kind of going through the decades or decades, sort of a theme is how do you slow down, right? It's different, obviously, if you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, if you're retired, life is probably a little slower in that capacity. You and I are in between. We're no longer the throwing up the 20s, and then the raising kids and the craziness of the 30s, married all that hamster wheel. 40s is you're on that same track. And now, as Amy always said in our episode before, that now you're just exhausted, right?

SPEAKER_01: It's like it's caught up to you, and now you're just tired. Yeah. And then 50s is sort of where I am. You're not there yet, but now kids are either in college or right, sort of high school, college, could be married, could have empty nesting, right? Sometimes you might have a deal over marriage and have little again. Yeah. Or you might have grandkids, or you might have grandkids. Oh, so sure, I didn't even think about that. Yeah, I a good handful of my girlfriends in California have grandkids. Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_01: That makes complete sense. We're not at that space yet. Yeah. Right. So, um, but you're right, I'm sure our oldest. It's true. None of our group here have grandkids yet. Yeah, we are not, we are not in the big portion of my group in California does. And they're yeah, and they're in their 50s. Yeah, and then the 60s, right? Is then now you're moving towards either hopefully retirement or you are retired or a little bit later in that. But it changes, it changes by the decades. So, how what are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_01: How do you slow down like in your 20s?

SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, I mean, I wish I learned I mean what we what we do know now, being in our 40s and in our 50s, is what we our paths are already paved, right? But what we do know now is what we can teach our kids, yeah, which is what we can teach our 20-something year old children, which we all have. Um, which is you talked about like stop auditioning for your life. Like, what do you talk about what you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01: Yeah. And so when I say stop auditioning for your life, in my perspective, is when I was of the young age of 23 and got engaged, in my view, in my thoughts of my life was oh, I'm gonna get married, I'm gonna write, I'm gonna have a wedding, I'm a house.

SPEAKER_01: Right. When we went to go buy a house, and it's like, how much do they cost? Yeah. The version of my life, and that was the auditioning part, was I just thought that this all was sort of gonna come into play. And it was you just get married, and then you're married, and you buy a house, and it all just like neatly goes, you know, just without kind of thinking about what you even really as a person or who you are as a person.

SPEAKER_02: What did I want? Which we aren't the same people we were then anyway.

SPEAKER_01: 100% not. But I look at my girls who are thankfully way more mature. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the mayhem that unfortunately they were thrust into. And um, after listening to, let's say, my episode on my divorce, my girls unfortunately learned a lot, which they obviously didn't know, which there's no need for that about. But they grew up, they've grown up, I think, a lot faster. My I came from parents who were married and I was immature and I didn't really have to make big decisions. My parents paid for all of my life.

SPEAKER_01: College, I wasn't self-sufficient. My girls have had a lot more financial responsibilities put on them just because I married somebody, thankfully, who is very fiscally conservative and really wanted to teach the girls the value of a dollar, yeah, and really wanted to explain to them and show them that life costs things and you have to be very respectful of the money that you earn and be intentional with how it's spent. And I would say for them in their 20s, they're so much more mature. But this is where if, for example, they want to go and they want to move and go live in Asia for a year, go do that.

SPEAKER_01: Right. Don't I don't want them to feel like they're stuck and they're strapped to a life that maybe doesn't reflect who they want to be or become. I want them to have the flexibility of go do all the things before you do have a marriage and you have kids, you have a mortgage, you have if those are things you've got. If those are things you even want, absolutely, because if you don't want them, don't have but it's more of that is don't audition for the life. You're not a you're not playing a part in right, a role in this fictitious life.

SPEAKER_01: So realize that if you're going one way and you decide that this isn't working for you and you need to pivot, pivot. You have this flexibility before all of these other things that are probably going to come at you, come at you and go really enjoy.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I uh teach my girls the same thing. Um, we didn't stay living in our hometown. We did move a couple times, which was very difficult. But I also think what a blessing that we did do that because now they are they know what it's like to move, they know what it takes to put themselves out there at a new job, at a a new school, at a new environment to meet people. Right. And I tell them the same thing. I mean, my oldest was, you know, talking about be so fun to live by her girlfriend in Savannah.

SPEAKER_02: And I said, then go. Go. If you want to take your dog and go, you I mean, it's a lot easier said than done, but any well, I'm of the idea where there's a will, there's a way. We moved.

SPEAKER_01: That's probably the problem we had with Chris. We've got four animals. Yes, you guys moved a lot as well. We chose California. We had the kids, we had three dogs, we had two cats, didn't have the bunny yet. And yeah, I mean, there is a will, there is a way.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I I I I just want my kids to know that whatever you want to do in this life is is possible. You just have to work hard to get it. You just have to work hard. Yeah. Or you're going to have to, you know, reel it in if you want to move and sacrifice. You might have to sacrifice. But there are I I think that's the biggest lesson here for anybody listening out there that is um in their 20s that are maybe our kids' age. Or, you know, obviously we can't go back and change anything, but what I want what I looking back, I wish that I did more, maybe more traveling.

SPEAKER_02: I wish that I stood up for myself a little bit more in certain situations, whether that was in my marriage, in my work, in my whatever. Um, you know, learned a little bit more about myself, which is something I actually teach my girls all the time is you we've talked about this, how we don't really have like a lot of hobbies in terms of we're not gardeners, we're not artists, we're not home decorators. I mean, we can do those things, but I want my girls to really just be okay with being alone and be okay with finding things like going to a coffee and they're both fabulous at going to coffee shops alone, going places alone.

SPEAKER_02: I mean, I wouldn't say they'd go to go to a restaurant alone, but just really in your 20s, like just go out and try new things.

SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that's why you can't getting being comfortable. Yeah. And I think that I didn't get comfortable. I think it's true. They say I could say the same thing, yeah, right, is not comfortable in your own skin. And looking back, it's funny, is now that I'm at the age where I'm old enough that it doesn't matter anymore, and I don't care what you're doing. Well, that's called like what we don't give a fuck. We don't get a fuck.

SPEAKER_02: When you hit 40, and then you're really hurting. And you think everyone's like you you're so looking at you, self-conscious. So self-absorbed too. And here's the bottom line. No one gives a shit. No one, no one's looking at you.

SPEAKER_01: Yes, because and we are innately selfish people, right? You're you're thinking that you're self-conscious of something, and you're so hyper-focused on that. Yes. Well, guess what? The person who just walked in the room is hyper-focused on what they're self-conscious of that. Exactly. So don't give a fuck. Yeah. Just let it go. Yeah, exactly. I think that's that's and I will say, I look at my so my nieces are at their later 20s, and I look at my girls who are say almost 26 down to 22, or 25, 24, and 22.

SPEAKER_01: My nieces are 26, 28. The confidence level is amazing. Shifts big time. It's huge. They just, but all of them, I mean, I even look at my girls who are in their younger 20s, they're all incredibly self-confident. I think the five of them, and that's what I can just reflect on as far as just you know, conjuring up girls I know really well, they just know themselves. I think and the most girls, but they really, I think, know themselves well, and I feel like they don't do things that won't bring them joy.

SPEAKER_01: And they really are very intentional about trying to live a life that they want to know, the path that they want to go down.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I also try to tell my girls too, there are paths that your girlfriends have that are going to be different. Some are married already. Some I think a couple of uh my daughter, oldest daughter's friends have kids already, um, or they're pregnant. Like, and and when you're not at that stage, it's I I want them to know you're right where you're supposed to be. Exactly. You're not, yes, that is not your path. And your path is amazing, whatever is ahead. But that's not your path. That was their path.

SPEAKER_02: Absolutely. Just like my path was this, wherever I'm at right now. I mean, crisspassing. Yeah. Like it just is what it is. Like our path is already created for us. So I think the biggest takeaway for me uh to in like looking back in my 20s is I wish I would have enjoyed the actual journey a little bit more. Because that is where like the gratitude and the actual living life comes into play is enjoying the actual journey instead of forcing it of not forcing it, but you know, like, when are we getting married?

SPEAKER_02: What where's you know, what does my ring look like? Oh my gosh, are we gonna get a house? Now we need to, now we need a lab. Now I need to drive the suburban. Now I need to, you know, so all of those things. That was the thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: And yeah, my niece is married as of um end of June. My other niece is gay getting married, and our husbands are and fiancé. And things can change in lives of when you're in your 20s, 30s. And I would say what their focus is on, you know, I would say to them, because their lives are incredible and they're they're just beautiful, hysterical. Like they're all the amazing things. Great job, great careers, you know, husbands, great jobs, great careers, good friends, all the friends, lots of friends getting married.

SPEAKER_01: I could not have believed how many bachelorette parties they went to last year, how many weddings they went to last year. I was like, how do you even have the funds? I know it's so for all of this because it's so much bigger, but so much fun. I mean, it's what incredible experiences, incredible memories to go through with your friends. But I would say to them is you're about to go into a decade in the 30s, because they do want to have kids at some point, right? You're about to go, you're about to get busy on a level that you aren't even aware of.

SPEAKER_01: So maybe, and I'm not projecting this on them, they can do whatever they want. But if you're out to the later 20s and you are married or getting married, and you're in that stage of really being intentional, like in the next year, my advice would be take those moments with your spouse and really like craft a plan of couplehood, apply-this together, because you flash forward five, six years, and I know they're gonna have children. And they're gonna it's be fantastic, it's gonna be so much fun. It's just gonna get so busy because that kind of leads us to the 30s of when the 30s were hard.

SPEAKER_01: The thirties were crazy, really crazy.

SPEAKER_02: Like it's peak of peak of um employment, uh, career, right? Most of the time. I think it's peak of career and it's peak of having little ones, and it's all combined together into one big, massive chaotic mess.

SPEAKER_01: So chaotic. But it can be amazing, but it you know so how does someone in their 30s, because I look back on our 30s, and so now I'm not working, I have three little kids in three years, disconnected, and I'm not gonna use my marriage with the platform because it wasn't probably ever gonna make it anyway, but very disconnected because things were so busy, so chaotic. Is how do you start to slow down when your life is going so quickly? Like, what what can we do that?

SPEAKER_02: And I want to start by saying, too, we're not talking like looking at your entire decade of your 30s. We're just talking about like what can you be intentional about in your 30s in 2026, um, if you are in the thick of it with your marriage and raising little ones and you are just um, you know, struggling. Struggling. I think looking back, the biggest help for me to be able to slow down was to make sure I had date night with my husband and girlfriend time.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: And because you're gonna be doing all the things for your kids regardless, whether that's like soccer games or making lunches or um getting them out the door. Getting them out the door. You know, you start off strong at the beginning of the year making the cutest lunches on the planet, and then at the end of the year, literally you're grabbing shit out of the pantry, throwing it and telling it.

SPEAKER_01: What's that? Uh what did we send the kids off with? I can't wait to I I've been out the the childing the parent raising game so long. Lunchables. Oh my gosh, right like lunchable Maddie used to come up, like if I picked her up.

SPEAKER_02: Just get the school lunch of the year. And she would have like tears in her eyes, and she's like, Did you even know what was in? Did you even look to see what you put in my lunch today? It was an awful lunch long. It was an avocado. It was like random, right? It's hiring in those years in the 30s, guys. You're like rice that you can make on the clown. Can the teacher um can the teacher heat up this Trader Joe's bag of rice for you for three minutes? Jasmine, right? The jasmine rice. Um, but yeah, I think those are intentional things that you can do is a uh once a week, and maybe that seems too much, but a once a week either date night, self-care night by yourself, um, like go uh and that could even be like we talked about date night doesn't even have to be out of your house.

SPEAKER_01: Date night can be as simple as just putting your kids into bed, right? Turn the lights off, light a candle, pour a glass of wine, a mocktail, get a thing of iced tea, and just sit and talk to each other.

SPEAKER_02: About maybe what's kind of like something connect, talk about, yeah, dream a little bit. I even think like Chris always thought I was such a dreamer, and he was, you know, sometimes a little bit over me in that in that area, but I loved like dreaming with Chris, yeah. Talking about our businesses or our future home or where I wanted to live or what trip I wanted to go on next. Like there's something really magical about like even make-believe almost.

SPEAKER_01: But that I think is actually really important. And um Sean will hear this and probably laugh. But when we were dating, and you guys will come to learn this that Sean and I dated for I think three years before we got gay. He was not really wanting to get married again just because the first one had ended so poorly, and I very much wanted to do over. So I was very intentional about when we were dating to always have things planned. Because if I had things planned, and we never broke up, like we had a very long time.

SPEAKER_01: There can be a breakup. There was right, we always had a concert that was six months away. A wedding. Or we were going to Mexico. Uh-huh. It wasn't like he doesn't even realize this, but I'm like, well, we have to be together because, right? You I've already planned all this stuff and we have tickets. So funny. The dreaming that gives you, if you're looking years down the road, it keeps you connected. And you're dreaming together. Yes. And but it's also that it's now you're not just in the thick of it now, you're envisioning yourselves going on that trip or doing the business.

SPEAKER_01: And it puts you into a different mindset. You're still a team, and the team is still together. And it's and we'll touch on this in other episodes of marriage and the challenges, and how do you sort of get through those moments? And we'll probably have a therapist on. But I think that's actually really important is those connection points of just taking whatever that once a week, whether it's an hour, time for yourself, and then if you are in a committed relationship married or not.

SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01: Having those moments where you do sort of reconnect.

SPEAKER_02: I I feel like it's so important. And if you were a single parent, I honestly feel like a once-a-week self-care putting the kids to bed, or if they're at the other, you know, a partner's home or and you have some time alone, really lean into that and make it special for yourself. And I talked about this on I posted on my Instagram I think last week. And I must have gotten at least 10 messages that said, I'm going to try this. It was self-care, which we can talk about it later down the road, or another episode, which can be a buzzword, right?

SPEAKER_02: Because it can get a little too saturated in society with taking care of yourself. But I do think it's important. And it's um taking a shower with the lights off, with a candle lit, maybe those little little aromatherapy eucalyptus aromatherapy things. Shower, music, meditation, and you really turn your bathroom into just like a spa environment for 20, 30 minutes, however long, until you run out of hot water. And you have maybe a glass of wine, whatever you want to do to like romanticize and self-care for yourself.

SPEAKER_02: Absolutely. People, I'm telling you, I got like 10 messages that said, Oh my gosh, that's amazing. I'm gonna try that. I never thought about it. My showers are fast. My showers are hurry up and get ready for the day.

SPEAKER_01: It's just there's everything's freantic. Yeah, or a bath, I guess. Yeah. Constantly, I mean, bath at least you sort of you're gonna go with the intention to probably relax it and relax. But it's true. The shower is just a placeholder of get me clean. Yeah, right, get out, because I've got to go to work stuff, right? I've got all these other things I gotta get to. So it's true to be able to do that and use that as something that we most And that could be in your 20s, that could be in any decade.

SPEAKER_02: Any decade, but really when you are in the thick of it in your marriage, communication sucks. You guys are ships of the night passing in the hallway, you have little ones, you're making lunches, you have you know, club sports, all the things. I think taking care of your marriage and making sure you guys have these intentional kind of pseudo date nights at home after the kids go to bed and fantasy dreaming or whatever else you want to do. Or if you're single, you do a you do a spa day in your bathroom.

SPEAKER_02: And you can dream for yourself.

SPEAKER_01: And yeah, you just yeah, yes, right. We all get to have our own dreams. You don't have to include somebody else.

SPEAKER_02: So I think that's a for for the 30s. I feel like if I looking back, if I had to do it over and I could slow down, I would probably take some more time each week to connect with Chris. And we did do, we did go away. But here's the thing when you go away twice a year for two or three or four nights, it doesn't make up for being in constant communication every week to really know what's happening in that person's life. That's the bottom line.

SPEAKER_01: Did you guys go away by yourself or working with you? Uh we did both. We did both. Kids with you is just now you're just taking that's a trip. That's not a vacation. No, that's not a vacation.

SPEAKER_02: How about camping? That's a whole nother episode, but uh camping or you know, but no, it's you want the experiences for your kids, which we had so many.

SPEAKER_01: But that's not that's not time, that's not connected to memories for family, which is a whole something, which is so important.

SPEAKER_02: And once your kids get older to do vacations as a family, those are fun times.

SPEAKER_01: Yes, girls listening. That is called experiences. And that's what you're getting, girls. It's a joke because um I told the girls this Christmas our family is doing experiences, and their joke is no thank you, we'll just say gifts.

SPEAKER_02: And they don't want the experience. Just so you guys know, I did just uh I mean, I think experiences are so I just went to Mexico with uh my dad and his wife and and all of my brothers and sisters and our all the kids and the nieces and nephews, and we just had such a blast. But um, and we did a big Hawaii trip with my mom and and her husband a few years ago. But what I asked my girls was, uh, I said, Girls, can you tell me what gifts you received even just in the last year or two that you actually remember?

SPEAKER_02: And they freaking can't remember. Oh, see, my girls can't. They can they can't I mean they can say ugs or whatever, but probably every gift. But what they could remember were the trips and the experiences of going on these trips and the hysterical things that happened on the trips.

SPEAKER_01: Because you can't memories, you cannot make them up. And that's what I'm saying is I mean, sitting at a kitchen table, just having a fun family dinner or a card card, right? Whatever they are. Spoons, I highly recommend. Yeah. So those are the things where you can't, those are the fun little moments where at the end of the day, whatever purchases, no one remembers the stuff.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, if they thought they're like, Oh, you got me the black Lululemon leggings, or and then you know you can list it just because they are memories. I mean, I can say the Love Shack, they would probably actually name the gifts you got them, which is the Love Shack fancy Stanley Cups, yeah, because those were so special and unique, you know.

SPEAKER_01: But yes, are we buying? Granted, we buy a little bit. I mean, uh this will come up in other episodes of brief is my oldest daughter lost her best friend almost two years ago. Um, she was ill, and we unfortunately lost her on Christmas, and it was devastating, and this will be year number two. And so last year was our first Christmas, and I was very intentional about making it incredibly special because it's just such a you know, it's just such a it's a you know, honoring and remembering and rejoicing for a beautiful life that was taken right to grow up.

SPEAKER_01: Who was 20 years old? She was 23. 23 years old. So yeah, so Christmas in our family is a little different because this will be year two. Yeah. But I but even with that, I want experiences because those are things that you can't, you know, the things you can't buy. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: Okay, so 30s. Okay, talk about so 30s, uh, okay, 40s. Um uh I say that's what I'm saying about explaining. Yeah. Okay, so say no without explaining. Um yeah, so say no without explaining whether that has to do with like um slowing down. I think it can technically relate because what it teaches you to do is um advocate for yourself, which in turn slows down and has you not committing to things that you don't want to do, right? So when you get to your 40s, you're very much like eff it. I don't give a shit what you think.

SPEAKER_02: I can make my own decisions and not care what other people think, which is very empowering. So what I'm what I feel now that I'm teaching my girls, and I just had this conversation with them the other day, was you know, did you girls realize that when you are in, say, a doctor's appointment and you are feeling uncomfortable, and it's not maybe a doctor that you resonate with, or someone that has the same alignment you do and practice or um a care or procedure that they are talking to you about? It is okay to literally slide your little buns off of the table and slide your little Ug boots on that you got for Christmas last year and open the door and walk down the hall and look for the exit sign and get in your car and late.

SPEAKER_02: Yes. And they were like, I mean, because that probably feels so oh, you're supposed to just do what people tell you to do. You're not and so or uh the other, you know, um example would be as you are dating and you are, you know, and you're on a date if you're uncomfortable and something doesn't feel right, you have the power to get your key and get up and say, excuse me, I am going to I'm going to leave, I'm not comfortable, and you get in your car and you drive away.

SPEAKER_01: Or I don't even think you have to say that. No, you don't have to say anything. I'm excusing myself and then you can go and then you text the person.

SPEAKER_02: Or how about when we're 48 and 50, uh, whatever you are, we will just get our key and say, Go fuck yourself. Right. Like, no, here, right? I just so I think that to me, slowing down for 2026 would it would be yeah, like not overcommitting, but being solid and really like um it's your boundaries being okay to say no.

SPEAKER_01: Yes, and it's okay to have boundaries. And if people have an issue with it, then then they're not for you. It's their issue.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's not your issue. I mean, thank the Lord for everybody that has had griefs with for the last year who I have committed to and then canceled on last minute. That's a whole grief episode, but yes, it's vastly different. No, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_01: But you know what? But you, I'm so proud of you because this actually talks about this. Is you were setting a boundary. That is a true said I want to go to this. And the day came and I did not have the capacity. I didn't have the capacity, and you were honoring yourself by saying, I cannot place myself in this situation right now. I am zapped on energy. I need to just stay home, stay on your couch, stay in your bath, stay in your shower, and just recharge.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and in your 40s, I think you feel more empowered to do that. But even in your 20s and 30s, I think the lesson is you don't have to lose someone to be able to do that. It's a key if you can start to fine-tune those skills. Oh, I could channel that in your own. And channel that. And you're in your 20s, they're channel this. And not everybody has a child, I think, that has strong will. Like I think one of my children would to this day have no problem doing that. And it's from her 20s, saying no or saying I can't.

SPEAKER_02: Well, my youngest 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can go after yourself. Yeah. No, I mean Maddie has with a smile. Can speak up for for anything. And you know, uh, yeah. Anyway, so um I think it is.

SPEAKER_01: I think it's honoring, I think at all ages, and I and I for people who are in their 20s listening, the faster you can get there and to well, starting in your twenties. Starting in your 20s, you start in your 20s and your role and in your 30s with boundaries, right? Totally. Is I just know for me that boundaries started to come into play more in my 40s that wait a second, I don't have to do things I don't want to do. And before that, I mean I remember, you know, my grandparents think was still alive when I was in my twenties, and I had to go do some things I didn't really want to do.

SPEAKER_01: And I had to listen to them talk when I didn't agree with them. And as in my family would say, bite your tongue and roll your eyes. Well, you know what? That's that. I know. Right. How about that? Why did I like to why did my voice have to be diminished? Because my grandparents were and I'm not talking about being disrespectful, but right. I'm not talking about like respect the elders, of course. Absolutely. I'm very much of the respected elder. But also you can also say things if you disagree with them.

SPEAKER_01: You don't they used to say things to me that why do you get to tell me this stuff? I it still happens. We were on a phone call earlier today, and there's things that people like say to you, and you're like, I don't have to listen to this.

SPEAKER_02: Yes. I don't agree with this. Yes, yes, yes. Or um, yes, exactly. Or, you know, yeah, family. I mean, that's in your 20s, or once you start to get married and have kids in your 30s, there's a family dynamics also, you know.

SPEAKER_01: People come in and tell you how to raise your children. Oh my gosh. I'm raising them. Yes, yes. You did such a phenomenal job with me, right? You can just shh shh shh and I get to raise my own now. Yes. I mean that's almost to have an opinion. That's a whole of what we do.

SPEAKER_02: So boundaries is the 40s. Okay. Boundaries is the forties without having to explain. And if you could, yes, say no and realizing uh that that it's a muscle that you need to really work and grow. And the more you learn to say no, or the more that you learn to um, you know, think about your own nervous system if you don't want to go somewhere, and and really learning how to respond to the people that are kind of like not bullies, but um really want you to be there and you know you don't want to cave.

SPEAKER_02: You you can easily cave, but how do you craft a response, whether through text or verbal, that basically says, I really appreciate you understanding this and I really appreciate you giving me grace instead of is it okay if I don't go? I'm so sorry I'm missing. Are you or like that with an excuse? Or making up an excuse. You literally just say it.

SPEAKER_01: Honor how you feel. Yes, right, and that's okay. I'm I love that. And figure out a way to say it in a way that does not at the end of the day, if the person doesn't receive it well, that's on them. Absolutely. We cannot control other people's behavior. Absolutely, absolutely control how we and I'm not saying ever be rude. I'm not a fan of that. So with kindness, okay.

SPEAKER_02: So if you're in your 40s, which I am, I am going to be practicing next year. Um, I mean, yeah, just really fine-tuning my uh feeling of what I want to put my energy into. Yes, and what I want to do to grow, and then also how it's okay to say no to things because I don't feel aligned, even if it's that day. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: Unless it's a massive one to like totally play. Have you said no? Let's say you said yes to something, then you didn't go to it the next day that you wake up, you feel badly? I would hope not. I don't think no.

SPEAKER_02: I mean, I'm I I don't have to really think about what situation I've said.

SPEAKER_01: No, I really I don't like now you're right.

SPEAKER_01: Okay, like Monica's, I don't have the well, because you were like, I don't have you wanted to go, and you're like, I don't have the capacity to go to a couple party. Right tonight and do this. And everyone was like, absolutely, of course.

SPEAKER_02: No, I think for me it's more um because I do just like love girlfriend time. I think for me it was I knew I didn't have the capacity um mentally to go and be around a big party, let alone other couples. And I'm usually fine. Oh I hello, look where I'm at. I come over here all the time with you and she. But it was more about um, what did I miss out on was the next morning. That's how I felt okay.

SPEAKER_01: Because you're like, oh, that was because we're at an amazing party.

SPEAKER_02: Yes, and it was incredible fun, and you guys were talking about it and her house and her and everything. So if anything, but no, I mean, there's again, if we can all learn that we don't need to be invited to everything, and sometimes it's really amazing when we're not invited to things.

SPEAKER_01: And I know that you were invited to a couple things where you're like, I don't have the energy for that, and I'm absolutely not going. I I can't speak for you, but I'm pretty sure that you were like, I'm so glad I didn't go. So glad I didn't go. You knew before you said no that that was not gonna be something that you wanted to do at all. Yeah. And you're like, I'm just not I you were very gracious and saying, Hey, I can't make it. And no one thought any twice about it, but it was like good for you.

SPEAKER_01: And I really used to be really good at fall talk back in the day.

SPEAKER_02: And I think that gets as you get to the gosh, you really get to the point I feel like most people do when are in your 40s, like, I am not made for this. I am like, I can easily go to a baby shower and talk to anybody next to me because I that's just my gift. I can talk, I like people, I enjoy that's where I get my energy from. But all I need like a little bit deeper conversations as you get into your 40s. I think you realize I'm not gonna like tell somebody at the grocery store that I know, like, oh my gosh, we should get together for coffee when we're not, I don't want to get together with coffee.

SPEAKER_02: I want them to have a beautiful, amazing life. And if I feel like seeing them again because they're my friend, I will. But I'm not not I'm never gonna say anymore, we should get together. I'm just gonna say it's go have coffee by yourself. Okay, not like that. That's a yes, but but I like people less than say that. So good to see you. I hope you have a beautiful Christmas.

SPEAKER_01: Take care. Goodbye. I used to be that way. I feel like I used to be really extroverted. It's as I've gotten older. I can't. I feel the same.

SPEAKER_02: I think it's most people. Okay, so 40s is putting up some more solid boundaries, really listening to yourself, not overcommitting and being okay if you uh need to uh cancel and have time alone. And now we're in our 50s, which is me.

SPEAKER_01: That's you, which is the era you get into where you're like, I don't like anybody. I'm just gonna think I like people. I'm I would people always say I'm really selective. And I'm not gonna think I'm really selective, but I am a little bit more of I don't want to hang with this everybody. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't. I know. I mean, I love our girl gang. I love their spouses, and then the friends I've met through them, so much fun. Yes. And then, you know, we have some other friends from we've met over the years from here that I absolutely adore and would seek out time with.

SPEAKER_01: And then there's some ones that we've let go where it didn't didn't align anymore. And it's like, I don't I think in your 50s you you can rest, as I say, without earning it. You can just pick and choose. You can pick and choose where you want to spend your time and your energy. Yes. And if like let's say it was in different places and that changes for whatever the reasons are, whether it's friendship or whatever the situation is, you can just gracefully exit and not have to worry about it. Because life changes and in your 50s, I mean, honestly, the time ahead.

SPEAKER_01: I don't know. I mean, do I get another 30, 40 years? I hope so. Yeah, you might think tomorrow. The time ahead is slower, it's probably it's definitely less frequent than the time behind. When my dad told me we're in middle age, I'm like, middle age? Well, what do you mean? I think they say middle age 38 now. I know. Well, he's I'm like, you're middle age and he's 86. Uh not in middle age. Yeah, you're saying right. You're in middle age. You're in middle age. I'm not. I am well, I'm actually past middle age.

SPEAKER_01: Yes. So I say in your 50s to speed this up, is just you get to the point where you get to just sort of pick and choose who you want in your life, who you want to spend your energy on and your time. And honestly, you don't even feel guilty about it.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah. I love like whatever. So in 2026, slowing down for someone in their 50s, such as yourself, that me in one sentence. Hanging out with my dogs and my husband. And me. And you. And the girls.

SPEAKER_01: And the girls. Your girls and our girl things. Yeah. And all of you here. It's anyone who the people in my world who know I love them know I love them. Yeah. And I have acquaintances and other people that I hang out with. But no, I mean, honestly, like my happiness. A smaller circle is okay. My happiness is never leaving my house. Yeah. Or just going in my front door for my Amazon. Exactly. And that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02: Which is why we both have very low miles on our our cars.

SPEAKER_01: We don't go anywhere. Okay, so now we're in our 60s.

SPEAKER_02: Okay, well, we can't necessarily speak for this, but what our thought we should have maybe, you know, consulted someone in their in their 60s.

SPEAKER_01: But um I think slowing down, I mean, at this point 60 plus. I have to say at this point, and this is going to project this out some closer, right? I'm only four years away. Is I hopefully, if you are, let's say, financially lucky enough to be able to sort of really slow your life down with work, because I mean some that's really hard, right? That takes a lot of energy and really some luck, I think, personally. Is if you can to be able to sort of pick and choose what your day looks like. So maybe slowing down in that capacity is just being more thoughtful and intentional about really putting your energy into things that you love versus right where I still have to work and I've got things I have to still do.

SPEAKER_01: But I do love my job and I love what I do. But I still have to do it, is that's my hope for myself as I get into that era, is slowing down would again mean spending a lot more time with people I love, family and friends, having wonderful experiences, scripts, memories that I'm creating, yeah, and being very intentional about where I'm coming in.

SPEAKER_02: I love that. And I I think for me, if I was in that age bracket, um, and I what I always try even to talk to like my parents about, because we've had some deaths in friendships and and and first passing is what I don't want to happen and what I'm trying to practice now, and I will encourage my kids in their 20s and their 30s and their 40s, is um I really hope that we don't have to wait until we are in our mid to late 60s and 70s to actually start enjoying life. Great. So I I you know when my stepdad was retiring, he was like, I'm retiring, and then it was another year, and then it was another year, and it was another year, and now he's so thrilled because he's fishing all day.

SPEAKER_02: But what I wanted from my mom and for him was to, especially uh since Chris passed, um, and my uh my girlfriend Lindsay's brother-in-law passed very young after he served in uh LAPD for so many years and he had very few years of retirement. Was like, let's not wait until like slowing down in your 60s and 70s to me would mean thinking about can you retire earlier? Can you take that extra trip with your family? Can you take your grandkids and go somewhere and and build some memories with them? Um, slowly, showing them that it's also good to slow down with family.

SPEAKER_02: That's so cute for me.

SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna have a phenomenal financial advisor on with one of our episodes in January, because I think part of the series with women is being very intentional about saving money and investing money. Yes, especially if you're in your younger 20s and 30s, it can make a gigantic difference in when you get to do all that stuff. So we'll talk about that later. So okay.

SPEAKER_02: To kind of end this episode, I would say I'm excited for 2026, even though my 2025 was kind of a dumpster fire. But it's still gonna be hard. I mean, it's still gonna be difficult, but I have so much gratitude. And I think as long as we could keep these gratitude slowing down pieces to mind every morning, like, okay, geez, I said I was gonna be off my phone. Like, let me actually put my phone down, let me get out in the nature and walk more, let me find more joyful moments. That is also slowing down.

SPEAKER_02: If you're busy and really sitting outside with a cup of coffee for 10 minutes in your favorite mug can be slowing down if that's what if that's what that means to you for 2026.

SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I'd say, okay, so quick recap. We're gonna delay responses to people. Yeah. To you can think before you respond. This is true for everything tech work, anything in life, invitation. Create possibly a daily no phone moment, whether it's 30 seconds to 10 minutes, whatever it is. Yeah, get in the shower, just lay in bed, think about yourself, use the future you test before you say yes to something, think about future you, would your future you want to have done this? Stop explaining. So just set those boundaries and just live by them.

SPEAKER_01: It's totally okay. At the end, listen to your body. Yes. So love it. We welcome in 2026. Yes. I think if this episode resonated, share it with a friend, especially if they're exhausted, but they're pretending they're fine, which I think we all do, and social media, obviously.

SPEAKER_02: And if slowing down feels uncomfortable, which for me, you if you haven't listened to the episode on me traveling to cover up my slowing down and actually grieving in real life, that's a good one to listen to because that is uncomfortable. So I I have been asking that with some travel. Um, but just know that however you are slowing down, you're not doing it wrong. Um, but it's really good to just finally take a step back and listen to your body with the amount of craziness that this world is in anyway.

SPEAKER_02: Yeah. It's really good to do that. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: So yeah, the end of it. Thank you for spending time with us. Thank you guys so much.

SPEAKER_02: We will see you on the next episode of WTF Just Happened. Happy New Year. We are so thankful that you guys are here. Thank you.

Midlife Aging | Why Time Feels Like It's Speeding Up As We Age

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